Harry Potter Spoof
by CheleCooke
Summary: OK this is basically a piss take. I have taken lines from movies and TV shows and put them into a Hp fanfic.


A/N. - OK. This is gonna sound crazy when you read it. - You have to look out for the movie lines. - some are kinda hidden and some are just out there. - Also for anyone who isn't English. - "Smoke me a kipper, I'll be back for Breakfast." Is from Red Dwarf.  
  
Disclaimer. - I OWN NOTHING.  
  
  
Harry Potter Spoof.  
  
Harry was walking along the streets of Hogsmead, looking in shop windows. Ron Weasley, his best friend was at his side along with his other best friend Hermione Granger. They made their way down the high street looking at the merchandise displayed in the frosted windows. When they reached the travel shop in Hogsmead they saw a set of pumpkins and a cage of six mice next to each pumpkin with the sign...  
  
Pumpkins, 5 galleons, lasts till midnight. Mice included.  
  
Only till midnight?" Hermione asked. "Well and I bet you would loose your slipper trying to get back to the pumpkin."   
What?" Ron asked. "What are you looking for? Prince Charming."   
"Well yes." Hermione answered walking towards the next store.   
The three of them walked to the Three Broomsticks just as they opened the doors Dumbledore walked out he turned winked and pointed jauntily at Madam Rosemerta,  
"Smoke me a kipper, I'll be back for breakfast." Then he walked off into the snow. Harry, Ron and Hermione walked into the Three Broomsticks and sat in their usual corner. From across the room they could see Malfoy, Crabb and Goyle were sitting at a table. Crabb and Goyle were just sitting at the table laughing gaukily but Malfoy was up on his feet, singing.  
"I wanna be where the people are asking my questions and get some answers. What's a fire and why does it, what's the word... burn? When's it my turn, turn to explore, turn to explore the world up above? Wandering free..."   
Crabb and Goyle still just sat at the table laughing.   
"hu hu hu hu cool."  
"hu hu hu hu cool."  
Harry went to the bar and ordered some drinks. It wasn't Madam Rosemerta who came to the bar. A new girl came to the bar. She was rather young.  
"What's your name?" She asked.  
"Potter, Harry Potter." Harry answered.  
"And what would you like to drink Mr. Potter?"  
"Three butterbeers, shaken, not stirred." Harry answered smiling.  
Suddenly Malfoy burst into song again.  
"Wish I could be... part of your world."  
Harry took the drinks back to the table.   
br"Hermione how come you didn't bring a book with you?" Ron asked as Harry handed out the butterbeers.   
"All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy." Hermione answered.   
"Who's Jack?" Harry asked.  
"Never mind." Hermione answered, downing her drink.  
The next day the three of them were waiting to go into potions when they heard Malfoy in the dungeon singing his heart out again.   
"I wanna be where the people are asking my questions and get some answers. What's a fire and why does it, what's the word... burn? When's it my turn, turn to explore, turn to explore the world up above? Wandering free... Wish I could be... part of your world." Harry, Ron and Hermione smirked then made their way to the back of the class and sat down at a desk. Snape shut the door and walked to his own desk.  
"Oi. Sleepy, wake up." Snape snapped at Lavender.  
"Oh. Who's Grumpy?" Ron asked Harry.  
Meanwhile Hermione was sneezing continuously.  
"Wow, you're Sneezy today Hermoine." Harry said.  
"Well noticed Doc."  
"Wow. Sneezy and Happy." Harry replied sarcastically.  
"Yeah well at least I'm not Dopey." Hermione scowled back.  
"Come-on. Don't be bashful." Snape snapped at Neville, who didn't know the answer to a question.  
The rest of the class passed quickly. Every ten minutes or so Malfoy would burst into song about joining another world. At the end of the class Dean said something about Dumbledore becoming the king of England as a joke and Snape suddenly flung his arms out.  
"I'm the king of the world!"  
After leaving potions Harry wanted to talk to Dumbledore about going to Hogsmead to visit Sirius. Harry, Ron and Hermione walked down the corridor and were soon met by Professor McGonagall.  
"Where are you three going?"  
"We're off to see the wizard." Harry said,  
"The wonderful wizard of Oz." Ron added. And they skipped off down the yellow carpeted corridor.  
They got to Dumbledore's office and muttered the password. The Gargoyle jumped aside and they walked up the stairs. Harry knocked on the door and they heard Dumbledore tell them to enter. They entered the circular office. Dumbledore was sat behind his desk doing some paper work.   
"Ah Harry, Ron, Hermione." Dumbledore smiled.  
"Hello Headmaster." Ron and Hermione chorused.  
"What can I do for you?" Dumbledore asked.  
"Well I was wondering if I could go to Hogsmead to see Sirius, Headmaster." Harry asked.  
"Sure you can." Dumbledore said.  
"What about Voldemort?" Hermione asked.  
"Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn." Dumbledore replied.  
"He could get killed!" Ron answered.  
"Death is only the beginning." Dumbledore explained.  
"Thank you Headmaster." Harry said, pushing Ron and Hermione out of the office.  
"Kids these days." Dumbledore said as they closed the door.  
They made their way down to the Entrance Hall where they found Malfoy looking around frantically.  
"What's wrong with you Malfoy?" Ron asked.  
"I need to find a muggle born."  
"Why?"  
"Because I made a deal with the giant squid. And if I don't kiss a muggle born by sunset she will steal my soul. If I kiss a muggle born I will become one of them. Hey Hermione, you're a muggle born."  
"No way. No way are you kissing me." Hermione screamed running to the door. Hermione ran out of the door and down the grounds. Malfoy, Harry and Ron, all chasing after her. She made it out of the gate and then she hid in a bush until Malfoy had skulked back up to the castle.   
Harry, Ron and Hermione were nearly at Hogsmead when Voldemort apparated in front of them.   
"Hello there." He said.  
"Run Harry Run!" Hermione shrieked.  
"No." Harry said, standing his ground. "I want answers from him!"  
"Answers to what?" Ron asked.  
"My parents." Harry said shortly.  
"Well, it was rather funny. Beauty and the beast if you ask me. You mother was rather pretty but your father..." Voldemort explained. Harry felt hatred rising up into his face.  
"Harry. The force is strong with you." Voldemort said after a minute.  
"What?"  
"The force is strong with you." Voldemort repeated.  
"Well who told you that?"   
"Some bloke."  
"Well how strong?" Harry asked.  
"Well as strong as a small pony."  
"Wow. That's quite strong that is." Harry said thinking about it.  
"Right Harry. Now has come my time. You defeated me last time but you won the battle, not the war."  
"Don't I get a say in this?" Harry asked.  
"No. Asta la Vista Baby." Voldemort said pointing his wand at Harry. Hermione pulled out her wand and put a binding spell on Voldemort. Voldemort hissed then broke the bonds. He pointed his wand at Harry the performed a spell draining the energy from Harry completely. Harry fell to the floor unconscious. He turned to Ron and Hermione.   
"I'll be back." Then he disapparated  
"Come on dear. A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down." Madam Pompfry said, trying to get Harry to swallow a spoonful of a green liquid.   
"How long have I been unconscious?" Harry asked.  
"About four hours." Madam Pompfry answered. She shoved the spoon into his mouth then walked away and busied herself with some paper work.   
A few minutes later Dumbledore, Ron, Hermione and Professor McGonagall all came into the Hospital wing.   
"Well Harry. You did very well against Voldemort." Dumbledore said quietly.  
"Harry, that must have been awful. You have to be careful." Professor McGonagall warned.  
"Well life is like a box of Bertie Botts every flavour beans. You never know what you're gonna get." Harry explained.  
Just then Nearly Headless Nick glided into the room. Harry froze and ushered for Dumbledore, Ron, Hermione and Professor McGonagall to come closer and he whispered.  
"I see dead people!"   
  
  
  



End file.
